I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
