it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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