I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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