I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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