We're facebook friends in real life
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
