omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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