i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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