I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
