btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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