I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
