Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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