I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
