he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
