dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
