I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
