she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
