Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
