And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
