Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
