No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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