She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
