If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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