Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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