I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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