Yo dont text me then not text me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
