How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We need a shit load of segways right now
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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