Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My penis needs a shock collar
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
