remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
third nipple confirmed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
