craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
