I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
