how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
