tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
