matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
