it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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