I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
