i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
