and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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