I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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