I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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