I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
