Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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