i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
