tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
