I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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