dude i'm inner monologue high
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Did I show you my penis last night?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
