he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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