Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
