I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
