On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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