so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Every concussion has its silver lining
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
