6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
