I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
