The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I understand Curling. That high.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
