Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
