I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
