6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you will always have a special place in my vag
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
