Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
