Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
where am i from again
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
