im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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