There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
