so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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