I think im going to throw up on grandma
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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