Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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