When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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