this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
