I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
