if only i could text you this smell
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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