I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
