I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
