it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
