This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
