Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
