He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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