im drinking this country out of the recession.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
