Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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