He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
