So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
