Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
